Saturday 9 am: Sitting on the floor in my comfy black sweats, back to the sofa, laptop on grandma’s old coffee table, smoking hot cup of salted caramel coffee, I’m ready to work on genealogy. D comes out of the bedroom “What you doing?”
“Genealogy” I answered observing that he was wearing a dress, “You must not be working today?” Dam! I thought I had the day alone.
“You sound disappointed. I have the day off is that alright? It’s like you don’t want me around anymore. You need to put away all your Christmas stuff today.”
“All that’s left is the snowmen I always put them away at the end of January. I got up early and cleaned house so I could work on my genealogy.” I answered exasperated.
“I want all your stuff out of my den.”
“What stuff?” I ask confused.
“Your Christmas stuff and if you’re going shopping go this morning before the storm hits.” he goes over and looks out the window. “DJ needs to shovel the snow. Aren’t you doing your laundry today? It’s your day.” He rambles on with his list of chores.
“I don’t have anything in your room.”
“I want you to take the van to Les Schwab to get the windshield wipers changed. Put all your Christmas stuff in your storage unit. When’s Lisa coming home?” He continues ignoring me.
“I checked them yesterday, they’re fine. My storage is full. She’s staying until at least Monday.” I’m starting to feel cornered.
“I already set it up. You should get a bigger unit for your stuff. What’s for dinner? Tomorrow I’ll go pick up Lisa with the van………………………….” and on and on he goes. I set on the floor
How can anyone have a conversation that only consists of badgering? I want to scream at him:
#1 Our daughter is 22 years old she can come home whenever she wants.
#2 Our son shovels the snow every day. He also checks my oil and changes the windshield wipers when needed. I’m not paying anyone to do it, for that matter, I can do it.
#3 Yes, I don’t want to be around you. That’s why we got a divorce, but I would settle for some space.
#4 Ask! don’t assume it’s okay for you to use my van. It’s mine I’ve made all the payments, and the judge gave it to me.
#5 Put the Christmas stuff under the house. I pay almost $700 a month for me and the kids to live here. I can’t afford another shed.
Last, but the most important, quit telling me what to do. I am a grown women. Don’t plan my day!
But I just sat looking at my computer
Teri again 
Good for you for articulating all this stuff for yourself. First step toward saying it out loud when you are ready.
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Thank you, I just feel so weak.
I have said it out loud in the past. I just know better than to do it anymore. It isn’t worth the battle and the anxiety it causes in our home especially with his increased drinking.
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I hope you can be free soon.
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Thanl you
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